


arrivals and departures

by sebvettels



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 04:02:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16865764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebvettels/pseuds/sebvettels
Summary: Daniel was so, so sure of his own departure. He knew it wouldn't be easy. After all he was leaving the team that had given him so much. Yet, he didn't expect leaving a teammate behind would be even harder.





	1. a messy love confession and a bit of misunderstanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max just wanted to know and Daniel might just get more than what he bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhm, an inspiration struck me and now i'm writing about maxiel? wow, i'm a bit shocked myself. max is probably a tiny bit soft here, who the hell am i kidding, he's extra soft, sorry if you don't like it but i've been wanting to write either a soft kimi and max, and here i am with a soft max, hopefully you enjoy this one.

“I don’t get it.”

Daniel, wasn’t even bothered enough to open his eyes, hummed in response.

“No, seriously. What prompted you to even do this? Without consulting me, at the very least?”

At that, Daniel opened his eyes and found two blue orbs staring down at him. He quickly rose from his laying position on the couch.

“Max,” he trailed off, unsure of what to say.

It wasn’t like he had made an impulsive decision. Daniel did think it through. At least, that was what he believed. His mind unconsciously drifted back to the night he made the decision. He was so sure, so in tune with himself over the decision that he didn’t think of anything else. Looking at Max’s hurt, sad eyes now, Daniel wasn’t so sure anymore.

“I had to do this. I had to do it. We’ve talked about this many times.” Daniel stated, eyes pleading.

And indeed they had. Max had called in the moment it made the news, asking him the exact same question over and over. They talked about it in Spa, and then Singapore, and after that in Mexico. They briefly discussed it in Brazil when Daniel came to cheer him up after his first place miss. Daniel had comforted him and Max wondered out loud what would he do without him. The question had hung over them like a threat. The incredulity in Max’s voice had left Daniel to ponder it too.

Oh yes, he had gone through his career without Max by his side. And he had gone through it well. But, imagining going forward without Max had opened up a gaping wound on his chest. It felt unbearable and it scared him shitless. It made him even more sure that leaving was the best option. He couldn't help but felt like running away from something, though.

“Well,” Max’s mouth set into a firm line, “Maybe we don’t talk enough.”

Daniel threw his hands up in disbelief, “Really? It’s my life, it’s my career, and it’s my decision. It’s not Helmut Marko’s, not Christian’s, not my parents’, and certainly not yours.”

Max flinched, slightly. But his expression remained firm and Daniel sighed, defeated.

Max was silent for a moment. Then he spoke, voice softer than before, “I just don’t want you to regret it.”

Daniel opened out his mouth, to protest, but Max beat him to it, “I know what you’re going to say, but please listen to me first. This is not me trying to be selfish because I'm in love with you. I know Red Bull hasn’t treated you right this year, but please think it through. It might not be the best car on the track, but it is a competitive one. I’m not saying Renault is a shitty team, it’s just there’s a big possibility that you won’t be on the front row or even second row, there's a possibility that you won’t even win. A possibility where you can’t be competitive, no matter what you do. And I know who you are, Daniel Ricciardo. You are perhaps the most competitive person I’ve known and that says a lot.”

Max was out of breath by the end and Daniel looked dazed. _This is it_ , Max thought, _he’s going to slap me or kick me out and never bother to talk to me again_. Daniel shook himself out of his stupor and looked intently at Max, a strange glint in his eyes.

“You,” Daniel took a deep breath before releasing it and continued on, “You’re in love with me?”

_Fuck._

“I, I – ” He stammered, trying to fix whatever he had broken unconsciously.

The corner of Daniel’s mouth lifted up, “Yeah, you?”

 _Fuck it. First, he’s leaving and now he’s mocking me? Might as well as get it out_.

Max shrugged, “I am. So if you can stop looking at me like I just made some silly, dumb joke, I would appreciate it very much. I don’t think it’s funny.”

Max glared on, daring him to say something stupid or to wave it off as if it was nothing. And Daniel might be stupid sometimes, or most of the times really, but not this time. He silently formed the words to articulate, to make sure they get through to Max, meanwhile mentally shaking his head at the realisation that he too, along the line, had fallen in love with Max, with his own teammate.

 _Love_. Really? Had he really fallen in love with Max? Stubborn and hot-headed Max? The same Max that had crashed to him and the same Max that had watched him cry and stayed silent, comforting Daniel with his presence. Was that it at the core of everything? Love? The reason why leaving seemed to be harder than ever, now the gaping wound on his chest had a form, in the size of Max.

 _Max, Max, Max._ The name swirled over and over again inside Daniel’s mind. He staggered back as if burned.

“Dan? Dan? Dan!” Max shouted at last, softly shaking Daniel’s left shoulder to stir him from whatever he had been thinking.

Daniel blinked. Those blue orbs were set on him again, this time lightened up with worry and anxiety. He gulped, feeling drowsy all of the sudden. He would have drowned had it not for the hand holding his shoulder, firm but not painful.

“Hey,” Daniel said softly, so quiet Max had to strain his ear to pick it up.

“Hey, yourself,” Max quipped in return, a small smile gracing his lips. No matter how annoying Daniel could be, Max couldn’t hold a grudge at him for so long. His smile dissipated after a while, “Are you alright?”

Daniel nodded, too afraid to speak up and ended up blurting his feelings in one go. _But Max did_ , a voice inside his brain whispered, _Max did, and maybe that’s why he’s the braver one of us too. Maybe that’s why he’s the better driver_.

He straightened up, caught Max’s wrist as he about to take off his hand from Daniel’s shoulder. Daniel held it, gently and caressed it.

“Dan?” Max whispered, voice low.

“Thank you,” Daniel declared after a heartbeat, “For everything you’ve said, for everything you’ve done. Thank you so much, Max.”

Max’s eyes watered as he choked out, “This is it then? This is your way of saying goodbye to me? After everything?”

Max snatched his hand from Daniel’s grasp and turned around, marching to the door in hurry. He didn’t want to give Daniel the chance to answer. He couldn’t let Daniel saw him like this. Couldn’t let Daniel knew how much he affected him. His hand found the door handle and twisted it, almost out of the door when Daniel’s word reached out to him,

“No, this is my way of saying I love you.”

Max cried out, half in anger, half in agony. He whipped his head around and locked eyes with Daniel.

“Whatever you’re at,” he hissed out, “Cut it out, Daniel. It’s not funny.” And slammed the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm actually planning it to be a two chapters fic but i don't know, i don't think it's good enough. well on a strange occasion where you happen to like it, please shower me with kudos hehe.


	2. of hopes and beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small steps, Daniel reminded himself, small steps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhm, hi this is the second part and if you think this is messier than the first one, you're probably right. my inspiration literally deserted me midway of writing this one but yeah hope you enjoy it :)

If Daniel could kill himself, he would have been dead for a thousandth time today. Max barely looked at him during the free practices all the way to qualifying. And it didn’t help that Max had actively avoided him which made it even harder to let Daniel talked to him. He had been so close to talking to Max after qualifying when one of the crews had come up to him, “This is it, man,” he said, “Enjoy it, your last race with us,” and patted Daniel on the back as they all headed out of the garage.

Daniel didn’t miss Max flinching and the way he walked off without saying anything. Daniel sighed for the umpteenth time. Sure, he had left countless messages and the blue tick showed that Max had read it. But that was it. He only read them and gave no reaction. Daniel shook his head, he had to put it aside, he had a race to win.

Daniel walked out of the garage and well on his way to the hospitality when he saw Sebastian standing alone under the Abu Dhabi’s night.

“Seb?” Daniel cried out, “Why are you still here?”

Sebastian, looking like a deer in the headlights, regarded Daniel with a wan smile, “Why are _you_ still here?”

Daniel giggled as his own question being thrown back right to his face. Sebastian, on his part, looked perplexed.

“Did you just giggle?”

Daniel went rigid, “Um, no?”

“Is that a statement or a question?” Sebastian quipped.

Daniel shook his head, “Oh, seriously. What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” the answer came fast, too fast. And if that didn’t indicate enough, Sebastian’s pale, tired face told him everything.

“Is it Kimi?” Daniel quietly asked.

Sebastian’s head whipped up in response. He was calculating his answer but then he just exhaled and answered, “Yes.”

 _Oh_ , Daniel’s mind supplied, _Oh_. And then it was silent.

“It’ll get better. You’ll still be together, just different garages and different teams. It will eventually be okay.” Dan said in comfort, after a while.

Sebastian laughed, hollowly, “Is that what you said to Max? That everything eventually will be _okay_?” He said in disbelief, running his hand through his hair and looking so agonized.

Daniel meanwhile stiffened. Sebastian’s words rung inside his mind, mingling with the event a few days ago. He sighed, feeling awful all over again. He contemplated what to say in response, but his tongue betrayed him and he spilled everything to Sebastian.

Sebastian listened in silence. His expression didn’t change at all, no judgement flickering in his eyes. By the end of Daniel’s story, he wrapped an arm around the other’s man.

“Both of you are good people with good intention,” The words rolled off Sebastian’s tongue, “It’s no one’s fault. Sometimes we say the right thing at the wrong time,” At this, Sebastian looked pained but he went on, “And sometimes saying what we think the other person wants to hear only cause them more pain.”

They had somehow stumbled into a hidden place and Daniel sobbed, “Oh, I didn’t mean to, I swear. Max tried, I just, I was so blind, and I wanted him to go away because it was only hurting me. But I didn’t realise it was hurting him too until too late.”

Sebastian only patted him in answer. He might not be in Daniel’s shoes, more in Max’s than anything. But if this was what Kimi felt right now, he hoped he had someone he could talk it about. The way Daniel had Sebastian. And hopefully, they could finally talk it through.

 

* * *

 

Max had been so angry at Daniel at first. He had come up to the garage, determined to ignore Daniel. He had seen Daniel from the corner of his eyes, trying to talk to him. Each effort had failed, only because Max wasn’t sure there was anything left to say, not after that night. So it had turned into a cat and mouse game with him as the mouse.

He had been so close to talk to Daniel after qualifying, not being able to be silent with Daniel for too long, until someone mentioned out that it would be Daniel’s last race with team. And the pain came flooding in again, fresh and raw. It was too much for him at once. His chest hurt and the walls seemed to close in on him. He walked away in hurry, barely able to hold back the pain.

Race day was always ruthless and draining. Max had clinched to 3rd, feeling so exhilarated to finish the season on high. He smiled, as he made his way to the garage, at people who congratulated him over and over. He entered the dim, almost empty garage and went to retrieve his phone. He greeted some of the crews that still remained and made his way out.

Abu Dhabi’s night wind had just barely grazed his cheek when a voice called out behind him, “Hey,”

Max turned around and his eyes met Daniel’s warm ones. “Hey,” echoed back.

They both stood there for a while until Daniel cleared his throat and smiled, “Congratulations. Good drive today.”

Max, at loss of words, shrugged, “Thanks, you did good yourself.”

Daniel chuckled, “You think so too? I was very afraid my engine would fail me again in the middle of the race. It didn’t, so I could count that as a victory.”

Max sighed, feeling awful at the reminder of Daniel’s season. Daniel, who had been effortless at overtaking, at winning races, or at the least at leading one, now counted scraps as blessings. _He deserves more_ , a tinkling voice in his mind stated.

Max hesitantly reached out, some sort of olive branch, “Well, we could drink to that. What do you think?” His voice didn’t quiver, thankfully.

He didn’t realise that Daniel had let out the breath he didn’t realise he was holding, finally relieved that at least Max was talking to him again. And that made him even more resolute in his decision to make it up to Daniel for being an inconsiderate asshole for the past few days.

“Sounds good, your place or mine?” Daniel grinned in return.

 _Small steps_ , Daniel reminded himself, _small steps_.

* * *

 

Max smiled the moment they entered his hotel room, talking about the race along the way to his room. He had missed it, talking with Daniel, how easy it was between them.

He turned to Daniel, “I want to celebrate it with champagne but Abu Dhabi only gave me rose water.” Max rolled his eyes, bemused.

Daniel burst out laughing at Max’s words and expression, “Not worth it then?”

They made their way to the couch and sat down as Max shook his head, “The feelings are worth it. The podium? Would rather pass it without you up there. I think the only one who truly wants to be there is Lewis, honestly.”

Daniel sobered up, “Wish I was there too. I mean, it could be our last podium together in a while.” He nudged Max’s shoulder with his own. Max elbowed him in return.

The conversation passed in a comforting lull. They switch the bottle between them. It was non-alcohol but somehow they felt drunk. The TV was turned on and muted as they watched the colours flashed in and out of sight. It was well past midnight and they settled in silence, conversations had run out of tracks. Max, half asleep, laid his head on Daniel’s shoulder.

Daniel, thinking Max had fallen asleep, kissed him on the forehead and pulled him into his arms. He whispered to Max’s hair, of apologies and love confessions, repeatedly as if under a spell. He told Max of Sebastian’s words, how sorry he was, how selfish he had been.

Max stirred and opened his eyes, “Hey.”

Daniel almost wept in return, “Hey yourself,” and then reminisced about that night where Max had confessed to him. The person in question had sat up, gently stroking Daniel’s hair. They sat like that for a long time, with Daniel’s arms around Max, facing each other.

Max suddenly buried his head in the crook of Daniel’s neck. “Is not your fault,” he mumbled to Daniel’s skin, sleepily.

Daniel hummed in response, puzzled. Max yawned and told him, “What happened. It’s not your fault. I don’t get why you’re apologising. Sebastian was right, it’s not our fault, none of us.”

“Max – ” Daniel began,

“No, Daniel, listen. If you’re apologising that means you did something wrong. And that also means I did something wrong too. We didn’t do any wrong, it’s just the situation. So cut it out, okay?” Max finished off, leaving no room for arguments.

“And no more jokes.”

“I would never joke about something like that, Max,” Daniel replied as he pulled Max closer to him. He kissed Max’s hair and whispered _I love you_ countlessly.

Max breathed in contentment and snuggled up into his side and it felt a lot like reassurance. It wasn’t perfect and it still didn’t solve anything, but it gave Daniel hope that everything would turn alright. They would be just fine, they would be even better.

 _Small steps_ , he reminded himself, _small steps_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *making a f1 fic*
> 
> my brain :  
> don't do it  
> don't do it  
> don't do it
> 
> me :  
> *inserts seb*
> 
> yup i just can't resist and if it makes the story a little bit weird, just bear with me. oh and if you have any suggestions to write because I'm currently at school break it'll be very welcomed and don't forget to leave kudos if you enjoy this one hehe


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